Immaturely Mature

  There was a definite part in my life where I transitioned into adulthood in my family.  In reality, I didn't exactly become adult because even now I don't exactly consider myself as an adulthood, however I can recall a time in which I became more mature as a person, perhaps even too mature for myself. 
 
  If you have read my first and second blog, you already know that when I was four, my older brother, William, passed away.  After the death of brother, I was forced into a sense of maturity that, respectively, no child should go through.  When he died, my entire family went into a state of depression and I, as a child, had to make dramatic changes in order to adapt.  For example, I became extremely morbid.  My mother still tells me of the times in which I would draw pictures of dead or dying people.  I started off just drawing my brother in the clouds, but then as my imagination started to fuel my observations of death, things started to get carried away.  Eventually my mother even had to bring me to a psychologist. 

  My thought processes also changed after the death of my brother.  I stopped seeing the world as a constant joy to be in.  Instead, I started to take a lot of things more seriously, especially when it came to death.  Firstly, I wanted to be a vegetarian for the longest time because I couldn't stand the idea of eating animals that had been murdered.  Which of course, my family wouldn't allow.  Secondly, I started to be able to empathize a lot easier and more extremely than others around me.  I can slightly remember crying multiple times simply because someone had either started to cry or even just became frustrated, just because I felt as though I exactly understood the emotions they were feeling.

  Because I knew how pain felt, and I knew what it meant to lose someone you loved and looked up to, I was then able to transition from immature to a little bit too mature for my own good.  Which is ironic because since I became so mature, I started to act more immature (what with the constant crying).